I am SO Happy!
Do you feel like this at the moment? If you don’t, you’re not alone there are so many things hindering our path to happiness and that’s what we will address today. Hand on heart I can honestly say I am a really happy person. How did I get so happy? Well, you are no doubt aware that a happy life is made up of various elements. In fact, a happy life is built one day at a time. For instance, we need to feel protected, we need to feel appreciated, and we need to feel loved. In my coaching and mentoring business, I have met hundreds of people, and some of them have all those things, however they tell me, that happiness is still eluding them somehow, and you know, it all comes down to a few fundamental things, because, regardless of what has happened to you in the past, irrespective of your upbringing, notwithstanding any dysfunctional relationships that you have had, you can turn things around for yourself.
Putting into practice the guidance I’ll be giving you today, will open your mind to how you can CHOOSE happiness, how you CAN develop amazing friendships, and how to live a balanced and fulfilled life, with as much good health as possible.
After all, the best project you can work on is yourself.
THE CORRELATION BETWEEN HEALTH & HAPPINESS
I have lived on this earth long enough to know that the number one cause of illness and disease is unhappiness, in fact, speak to any doctor and they will tell you that not a week goes by that they are not prescribing anti-depressants!
I have lived through this situation and plagued with illness because of my circumstances, I could not lift my head off my pillow for over a year and had test after agonising test, for over 2 years when my kids were little, (I was trying to be super woman) hoping to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother…. even though they said I had M.E or chronic fatigue syndrome, I did not realise at the time that the reason I stayed ill for so long had EVERYTHING to do with my mental state and how depressed I was, therefore I will confide this to you, nothing will make you stronger both physically and mentally than taking action - Taking action to change your circumstances, taking action to slowly change your mental state, and the conversations you have with yourself.
YOUR SELF TALK
I will give you an example, you are out driving somewhere with your best friend, and she takes a wrong turn, do you say, Kate you idiot! Didn’t you see the turn off? It was clearly marked; you are so stupid!!!
You would never dream of speaking to her like that would you? She is your bestie and one of the people you love the most in the whole world, right? And yet how many of us speak to ourselves that way a lot??
Demi, you are not concentrating on what you are doing, why on earth did you take that turn, why didn’t you study the map before you got on your way, etc. etc.
If you genuinely want to begin to have a happier life, you will begin with what you have the power to change, remember you can’t change anybody else, god knows we have tried, right?
We can only change the way we have been programmed to see ourselves and yes, that takes time, please believe me, I know that it will not happen overnight, but little by little you can change your mental state, start with this- Any time you hear yourself saying something to put yourself down, like the example I just gave you, change the conversation –
ACTION - Demi, even though you may have gotten a bit lost, you have found your way and corrected your course, you are a champion! Try correcting yourself every single time you have a negative thought about yourself or comment and see how much happier you will be.
That goes for the way you speak about yourself to others, please keep this in mind, people will only respect you, if you demonstrate respect for yourself!
For example, you are at a gathering, and someone pays you a compliment -"you look great, I love that dress!”- What you say next, will determine not only how that person views you, but more importantly how you view yourself, so what do a lot of people say when given a compliment such as this?
What can you say to show appreciation for the person taking the time to pay the compliment, and allow YOU to feel good?
ACTION - “thanks so much, yes this is one of my favourites, I bought it especially for today…..
You will also gain friends that can become closer to you than your own family members by learning to GIVE genuine compliments.
ACTION - what about starting with something simple such as the way you answer people that ask, "how are you"? do you usually have a negative answer? Oh, I’m actually having a bad day, or I’m alright, I feel lousy…. How does that make the person that just greeted you feel? Like they are sorry they even asked right? When I am asked how I am, I appreciate that it is mostly just a greeting, especially in Australia, (how ya going), so I usually answer with something really positive such as I’m sensational thanks, it astounds me how often people ask why that is!
Before you think that I am always roses and sunshine let me tell you a secret, I am NOT a morning person, I need a few cups of coffee to get me going in the morning and before my face muscles can go from cranky face, to happy face.
I found this a challenge when I first became a couple with my wonderful husband, you see he is the first person that has ever asked me “how did you sleep”? He wakes up with a BING!!! first thing in the morning, I am more whoa!!! Needless to say, having to even have an answer for this question was a challenge for me, as I can’t even string a sentence together when I first wake up, so instead of trying to think about how I am feeling, I just answered a question with a question, how did you sleep beautiful man? Takes the pressure off me, I don’t have to say I feel like a have been run over by a truck every day, and now that we have been married for 8 years, he knows not to ask me, he just makes the coffee and smiles till I am human again. I also keep my business interactions to a minimum until I am well on my way and firing on all cylinders. I want to set up my day to succeed, phoning someone before I have had a substantial amount of coffee or answering a text message is not a great idea.
WORDS HAVE POWER
Have you thought of safeguarding your mental health by not engaging in things that are not uplifting? For example, spending your precious time with people that want to tear others down or are negative about most things.
It's like mould getting into your precious belongings, it spreads and you can’t get rid of it. Don’t shoot yourself in the foot by being with people that don’t build you up or gossip about other’s, that’s the opposite of making yourself feel happy. 😃
Have you ever spent time with someone and their conversation is peppered with negativity and or they are being unkind in some way? When you leave them, you feel heavy, the complete opposite of uplifted?
One of those things is complaining, In my book, I call those people the ‘Aint it awfuls! Aint awful about the weather, aint it awful about the news…..
Another is looking at the negative in every situation, it takes it’s toll on you, there is no sunshine when someone starts a sentence with the word UNFORTUNATELY!!!
even companies do this, if they only realised that they are putting their customers in a negative mind frame as soon as they read this word, they would stop writing it in their emails.
Having a kind word to say on every occasion in your day, becomes the tapestry of your life and isn’t that what you want?
ACTION - Really look at your conversations and attitudes for a solid week, write down what you could change about yourself and start doing it, it’s amazing how good you will feel. Please recognise this,
WHAT YOU ARE NOT CHANGING YOU ARE CHOOSING
It sounds so simple, but you know the effects of being unhappy right? Sickness, long term illness and depression. The sooner we realise we cannot wait for someone else to change our circumstances for us, the sooner we will begin to heal. You don’t like your job? Do something about it!! If you have tried and tried to make your relationship work, and you are the only one paddling, come up with an exit strategy, again my book gives you the confidence and the tools to do this.
One of the worst sayings I have ever heard is, ‘better the devil you know than the devil you don’t!’ Whoever came up with that saying is an arsehole!!
It encourages people to stay in dead end jobs and relationships, this saying is not for you friends, don’t believe it and definitely do not ever say it to someone, YOU are enlightened.
I have been seeing mental health clients for years now assisting them with building their confidence, usually after trauma of some kind, and what a lot of these beautiful folks have in common when they first start seeing me is that they have made everything and everyone else a priority except for themselves. Mother’s and wives particularly. Having a clear understanding of what truly brings you joy, makes it easier to promote happiness in your life.
MINDFULNESS
You hear the term mindfulness a lot nowadays and to put simply, it means living in the moment or in the present. Let’s do this exercise, it’s first thing in the morning and you have a big day ahead of you so in the shower 🚿 you go……, are you thinking about everything you need to get done in your day instead of actually enjoying the feel of the water the massaging of the scalp etc….
Gaining new habits that will serve you better will have an accumulative effect on your life because one day, plus another, will add up to you living the life of your dreams, and it seriously starts with all those little things.
SCHEDULE FUN ✍️
You make time for everything that is important in your life, have you ever thought of Making time to be happy?
ACTION - My recommendation is to make happiness a priority by literally scheduling it into your day. How do I do that you ask?
Well think about what things bring you the most happiness and write them down. 🤔
I am a big believer of, if it’s not in writing ✍️ it’s just a wish so write down all the things that you enjoy and be sure to include at least one or two of these things in your weekly schedule, make it a priority.
Having a hobby or a fun pass time you can engage in with a friend, is even better because having someone else to keep company makes you more likely to do it.
Spending time in nature is known to help people feel calmer and happier.
Doing something you regularly enjoy such as cooking, dancing, horse riding, scuba diving.
Nothing helps overcome loneliness like having a dog, dogs are loyal and loving and need attention, so it takes the focus of yourself. It’s amazing to have someone get excited when you get home.
If you want to be truly happy and find joy in your life every single day, know that it is more than possible because you have it in you to make it possible it’s all about mindset, so decide to be happy today and choose happiness for yourself.