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How Soon is Too Soon to Move in Together?

One of my clients asked me this exact question this morning, my responses are from ‘The One’ – How to Meet and Choose your Ideal Partner –Demi Eliana Paterson

Long before the question of ‘should we move in together’? becomes a topic for discussion, it would

set you up for success if you already had the answers to the following questions. -

1. ‘What is most important to you and your life?’

You want to see if the things that are important to the other pe

rson align with yours. Their family, friends, material possessions, everything! A very wise woman told me once, ‘What’s in the heart comes out of the mouth.’ Pay close attention to their answers.

2. ‘What are you hoping the future brings?’

You want to know if they think about the future; you want to know where their focus is. Does it align with yours? This question is also a good segue into finding out if they would like to get married and or have kids in the future. Too many of us find out after we are in a relationship that the other person had opposing views on these subjects.

3. ‘Are you close to your family, parents, siblings?’

If you are family-oriented and they are not, it’s best that you know that before the relatives start dropping in!

4. ‘How important are your friendships, and how often would you catch up with friends?’

Having a balanced view of friendships is important. It’s by no means fun playing second fiddle to someone’s mates. Will they be dropping in frequently or will you be at home alone a lot of the time while the other person is out with their friends.

5. ‘Do you think a couple can recover after one of them has cheated?’

This is a doozy, and you may not want to ask it at the very beginning, but certainly ask it early on. Hopefully, you’ll see the wisdom in asking this question. It’s better than straight out asking if they have ever cheated on a partner in the past.

None of these questions are superfluous; they really do get down to the nitty-gritty.

Again, let me stress that I am not suggesting you fire them off one by one, but certainly ensure you have detailed answers to all these questions before you start splitting bills. Which brings me to the next consideration.

How is the other person with money?

Hopefully throughout your dating process, you have observed your partners relationship with money. This is too big an issue to ignore. Once you have been living together for a while, what is yours, can too easily become the other persons as well. Unless you are confident that you know and accept all the answers to these matters, you can’t possibly make an informed decision.

If you were buying an expensive car, you would ask the salesman every question you possibly can about it, wouldn’t you? You would want to know about the warranty, if there is any roadside assistance if the car breaks down—all the things. You can’t just ask if it has cup holders. We are discussing moving in with whom hopefully is your Ideal Partner, the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, so be brave, ask the hard questions.

Hopefully by now you can see the wisdom in being clear but tactful with what you are after. A person that is after the same thing will certainly not balk at your questions, especially, if these questions are asked in good faith and with a genuine approach.

Keep in mind, it is not just what you say, but how you say it! Sincerity is everything. People must stop thinking they can change a person or change their mind on a matter—that rarely happens. The only thing that occurs is tension and frustration when you can’t get what you need. What has been proven is that when people argue, stating the reasons they feel the way they do, all that occurs is that both parties become even more convinced of their own reasonings and convictions, not the other person’s. So, what ends up happening is both dig in their heels and become staunch in their existing beliefs.

People’s personalities are in their DNA. You would not like the other person thinking they can/want to change you; it is not beneficial or kind to view the other person in that way either.

If, from the beginning of you being a couple, you don’t speak to your partner about what your expectations will be as the relationship unfolds, it may be a surprise to learn that you have different goals and visions for their future. Make way for the person who will be your Ideal Partner by not lingering too long with people who are not.

Most people don’t like surprises when it comes to their own futures.

Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy, meaning that we do all the giving and have very few expectations in return. In life and love, you must begin with the end in mind, so how do you want this relationship to continue?

What is right for one person is not correct for the other so no one can tell you when the time is right for you to move in together, however if you have all the answers to the above questions ,just like building a house that is strong and beautiful, you will be able to begin your living together by laying a really good foundation. Once you know each other well, and you know that you can work together as a team to make each other’s goals and dreams come true, that’s when you know you’re well and truly on your way to a happy, durable co habitation.

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